Twice a year, we bring the general managers from all of our brands together. We have one big retreat in the fall and several smaller, more intimate retreats in the winter. This year, we focused on leadership styles. 

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All of our leaders took the DISC assessment. Each letter represents a different style. 

• D stands for dominance: direct, firm, strong-willed, forceful, and results-oriented
• i stands for influence: outgoing, enthusiastic, optimistic, high-spirited, lively
• S stands for steadiness: even-tempered, accommodating, patient, humble, tactful
• C stands for conscientiousness: analytical, reserved, precise, private, systematic

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I was reminded this year how important it is to be myself. I identify as a D, which often gets a bad rap for being on the dominant side. A consultant once told me I have the asshole gene. He wasn’t being derogatory. He said this “gene” was necessary for leading an organization. While I think I understand his point, I’m not sure his approach was helpful. It stuck with me for a long time. After he told me that, I immediately wanted to change my identity. Why can’t I be an S-style? They are even-tempered and patient and humble. Who wants to be the asshole in the office? Not me. I wanted to be liked. As Michael Scott so profoundly put it, “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”

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In the last few years, I have learned that my leadership style is not synonymous with being an asshole. This gave me the courage to lean into my style instead of trying to shed it. I can’t be someone else. I can’t be something I’m not. I can only be me. That might sound very elemental or cliche, but I assure you, it's more profound than you might think, and it’s not as easy as it sounds. Warren Bennis once said, “At bottom, becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It's precisely that simple, and it's also that difficult.” 

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How can you become more you as a leader?

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